contemplations on the mind and heart

“when you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the

ground from beneath your feet.” ~Stanislaw Lec

Recently, a friend of mine wrote me and asked, “Rosanne, when you have time send me your definition of joy.” I don’t know why but I found the message immediately thought provoking and my mind reeled into an endless list of meanings for what joy is or what it  had the possibility of being.  As with anything, perspective is what gives us value and meaning. What holds deep meaning for one, has little significance for someone else.  Depending on the context and usage of many words, my understanding of joy can apply to other nouns as well….  With the inquiry into what joy is, I found myself with countless definitions! (One better than the next!) Here are some:

• Breathing–without effort (first and formost!)
• Seeing the trust in my children’s eyes whenever we talk about serious things.
• Loving a Someone Special without needing to be loved back! (but knowing you are!)
• Joy =’s freedom from everyone and everything.
• Telling the Truth when everyone else lies.
• Having sex with someone you trust (and love) and then having sex with them again!
• Joy is being comfortable with yourself all the time and knowing that others feel comfortable with you!
• Kissing my pooches cheeks and seeing/hearing their wagging-excitement whenever I am in their field of vision or they hear me coming!
• Joy is the ease of seeing the wonder in all of our days (and being able to turn away from all it is not—wonder-filled.
• It is the enjoyment of another that brings about the loving of them so naturally.
• Elated joy is being someone’s Home Page and not their sidebar…

“To get the full value of joy you must have

someone to divide it with.”  ~ Mark Twain

This Valentine’s Day, maybe we can take a moment to tell someone why we love and enjoy them and let them know that in some way they inspire us, simply (!) and solely because of Who They Are—

Perhaps this Valentine’s Day we will think of who we love and not what and whom we need to possess or control.

This Valentine’s Day we can take the time to acknowledge that the greatest gift of all is that the One(s) we love exist—that they are alive and we are fortunate enough to be a significant part of their Being Here!

Today is a wonderful day to not take for granted and to remember that every day should be treated like this day, for how we love another is a constant, not a once a year event or obligation.

And Remember:

“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of

living is joy enough.”  ~Emily Dickinson

So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you:  Decide, Decide, Decide…who are you going to listen to?  Your heart or your mind?

(only time will tell…)

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(that jar of paint was not meant for any-body…)

Dear Michelangelo,

I try to forget you.

But your light shines through

on to

me

every day. everywhere.

Wherever I turn

I find you

There–

(Painting

Me.)

I try to imagine

A-nother…

with their brush

stroking, creating, imagining…

but they are not

you.

They cannot

paint

me

the way you do.

(For they do not, they cannot– see me

through

your

eyes.)

I cannot

imagine

anyone but

you

C o l o r i n g

me…

I Know the touch of your brush;

I know your stretch of color;

I understand—your imagination;

I know your thoughts

and the very

idea of

y o u

has become

the very essence

of

me.

To forget you?

How- could- I?

For you are me

and I am

you.

You have merely painted me in the

colors of your-self. I have merely

acknowledged and

a c c e p t e d–

the master-

piece of

us…

with love,

Your Sistine Chapel

So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you:  Decide, Decide, Decide…who are you going to listen to?  Your heart or your mind?

(only time will tell…)

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“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.”

Author Unknown

January is coming to a quick close as we forge ahead into the New Year with the anticipation of Spring! The first month of the year, is the month where we have no choice but to move on from an old year into a new one.  It can be a wonderful time and opportunity for tossing old things out, clearing our way free from the past and removing ourselves from destructive relationships.  The New Year is about change.  When we have a positive outlook on life, we can see the world as the magical Spinning Ball that it is and how it can give us an enormous amount of joy and wonder.  Buddha had once said, “if you see the world as a defiled world that is what your world will be.” So how we see our surroundings is vital to our well being.

The New Year is open to wonder, hope and miracles.  If we pay attention we will see and experience the wonder around us with each passing month, rather than focusing on the horror of media or the horror that might even be going on in our personal worlds.

Whenever I talk to just about anyone with regard to change, I hear a resounding and definitive, “I hate change!” Even if that change implies a better and happier course for one’s life, there still seems to be resistance.  (I had a conversation with a lovely woman a few weeks ago who could not bring herself to part with an old, worn out wallet!)  Sometimes I wonder if the apprehension to any modification in our lives is merely an intellectual state of inertia and once that is conquered, the body, mind and heart does not resist the natural course of forward motion…Perhaps the fear of change originated from the illusions of our childhoods, religious anxiety and the trappings of our outdated belief systems, coupled with unhealthy psychological entrainment.  Some of us are unknowingly held hostage to our memories, whether they are good memories or not.  We hang on to photographs, we buy into the over marketing of holidays and the material world, as if the material world guarantees us something “reliable”.  In ways we become the frozen, yet lovely majestic image inside of our favorite snow-globe(s) and we preserve and protect our menageries as if they are the sustenance to our lives.  We hope and pray that nothing will “break” for if something does, some part of our lives will undoubtedly unravel, thus change is imminent.  We are seldom prepared for any disruption to our routine.

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. –Harold Wilson

Without change there can be no growth, yet even the simplest changes can feel unnerving.   On a more challenging level, when change occurs in our personal world or professional world, something breaks or needs shifting, we realize time and again that we cannot control or prevent the moving forward of life.  It will move and we can either go with it, kicking and screaming all the way, or (!) we can take a deep breath and go with the current of it rather than resist.    Buddha also said to look at things as if they are already broken as he saw everything as impermanent.

Eventually, the treasured snow globe shatters into innumerable pieces, as do many marriages and careers.  Life is not life if it is not moving forward, yet with the craziness of our daily schedules, we are unaware of what is constantly transforming inside of us and around us.  If we take the time to notice, we will come to understand how every aspect of our life shifts, every moment and sometimes in the discomfort of adjustment we need to uproot ourselves, either emotionally, physically or both.  We shutter at the thought of losing our jobs or changing our career paths.   Moving to another home and even leaving old, stagnant and dysfunctional relationships can be exciting, when these changes are our choices.  Of course, few of us move without some apprehension, yet we feel excited at the prospects of new adventures and experiences, when the decisions are our choice. When change does not feel as though it is our choice and our comfort zones are infringed upon, fear and anxiety become the roadblocks to the path of brighter and happier days.

At some point, if we do not take the leap and face the unpleasant situations in our lives, we will not move forward.  We will remain stuck, just like the image in our favorite snow globe.  Perhaps there is some beauty to that world, but do we really want to make our home inside of a frozen world that does not really exist? (Any world that is not in motion is a world that belongs to the—past.) Why do more of us hold on to things and relationships that have long been broken or that no longer work?  Why do we stay in loveless relationships, constantly trying to fix the Unfixable?  These answers are as individual as the individuals involved and only we who depart and move on to uncharted waters can see clearly, The Whys of our pasts.  Sometimes we cling to the familiar out of habit or we resist letting go and moving on, until a force higher and mightier than our little will—moves us (!) albeit against our will.

*     *     *     *     *

For a decade now, the song, Ch-ch-Changes, by David Bowie has prodded me, guided me, and serenaded me all the way to and through the many horrible and liberating stages of, divorce.  One morning I awoke to the song, and the lyrical line, “so I turned myself to face me…” and I found the song rewinding itself in my mind the entire day.  If we are honest and hold the glance with ourselves long enough to address our fears, we might just hear Bowie (or our ourselves…) continue serenading us with, “I still don’t know what I was waiting for…” as we enthusiastically run for the hills, leaving our past behind us.   Suddenly we become the very changes and possibilities that represent our—new lives.

It is not necessary to change.  Survival is not mandatory. — W. Ewards Deming

Compromises often represent many marriages and survival is at the root of countless relationships, personal and professional. (I think we all can agree with this.) We are on this planet to survive—Darwin was right and whether one stays married or one gets divorced, changes jobs or simply decides to redefine their lives and move across the globe, perspectives of survival is different for each of us.  Some of us just exist and don’t know that there can be more to—life.   After the shortly lived honeymoon period with many marriages some of us hide behind the Lie for decades.  I don’t know how many couples actually believe in the love- in- marriage-part, after they are married… Others become adventurers who brave the unknown terrain (without a map to guide them) of divorce and who see divorce as a “practical” path of survival. For many of us, divorce is our means of keeping ourselves alive.  We crawl away from that which we no longer believe in; that which has no integrity and that which has no love.  (but maybe it has a house or two!)

*     *     *     *     *

For several years now I have listened to individuals who have taken that leap from marital woes to personal independence and all agree that there is more to the art of living than mere survival.  If we are embroiled in our past, our hours and our days can feel like a slow death in decades of quick sand.  (When we take the leap of divorce, all other shifts in life seem easier to accept.)   Departing a loveless and indifferent marriage allows one to emotionally prosper, which is a far greater quality of life than mere surviving physically. The Property Settlement Agreement may leave one with “less-to-possess”, however, sometimes less is more when we are no longer stuck in the stagnation of our lives:  the weight that has been lifted is simply an idea and illusion of something we believed existed.

When we adjust our lives in accordance with change we understand that happiness does not necessarily come with the attachment of another.   Remember: this is your life (!) so proceed with awareness and feel alive! Don’t hand your life over to anyone else! There is no second chance for your time here and to know your one opportunity might be wasted will be a horrible thing to know.

We would rather be ruined than changed; We would rather die in our dread

than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die.  — W.H. Auden

There is a way out of this travesty, I see individuals do not take The Way Out. Rather they remain In It, stuck in: escapism. Some of us cling to the illusion of fantasy, T.V., history, religion,  work, Santa’s holiday, (technology is one of the greatest forms of escapism, especially for our young…) and all of the propaganda that goes along with society.  We all know better, but some of us still look the other way and “stay”. We stay in the quagmire of our muddled minds and our unhappy lives and we pray and hope that our neighbors, friends and country club goers don’t notice that our lives are as horrible and misereable as theirs! On some level we escape and in a tragic way we know we do not, not really. What many of us do with our lives is:  sleep-through-it.  We Novocain ourselves from birth till death, all in the name of guilt and suffering.  (depressing but true) It is no wonder Buddhism is the antithesis to every aspect of our western culture. It is the only religion I know of to date that promotes the alleviation of suffering, guilt and the hurting or judging of any living being.

*     *     *     *    *

Yet (!) there is hope!  In one miraculous instant of experiencing the feeling of Alive, joy becomes the possibility of a new life.  In the fleetingness of a sacred moment, we alone, can create miracles.

Joy equips us with the necessary tools to extricate ourselves from toxic relationships of all kinds.  If we follow the relationships and heritages that promote only joy and abandons all suffering, good and healthy relationships will find us from personal to professional.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”  Author unknown, commonly mis-attributed to Charles Darwin (ironically)

Much of this life becomes habit based on a carefully crafted, organized and extremely repressed prototype. When we remove ourselves from the noise of our surroundings, even for a few quiet moments every day, we can separate the real from the folly—the unimportant frivolities of life.  In this quietude  we can get to the core of life that really gives life its meaning.  In the silence of our minds we notice, ever so delicately (and privately) that thing in one’s heart that one does not, cannot create, but is just there. There is some-thing that defies religion and society and all belief systems.  I am not talking about the idea of love we think we have for someone; I am referring to that joy one finds in another—that same joy one finds in life itself.  When you find that happiness inside of yourself, you know you will always be safe, no matter the turns your moving-forward-life takes you. You pause. You go—again—forward!   You arrive at a place, a real place inside of you and you see and feel somehow, some way, even if you do not know how, everything will workout as it should.   When we embrace change we no longer feel that we might fall off that Spinning, Magical Ball we call, earth.  Rather, we realize that we are as much a part of the world as it is us—we are safe.

And if things don’t go as planned? When change devastates?  Silver linings in our lives are always perceptions we can choose to see as miracles.  What is horrible today is a gift tomorrow; all we have to do is change how we see the horrible…

I see. I feel. I look above and around and I am surrounded by the magic of that great, big, wonder-filled, Spinning, Magical Ball we are all a part of.  We change with the hours, days and years, as they pass, but don’t look back, don’t try to find what no longer is, just keep moving and know: “time may change us but we can not trace time…”

So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you:  Decide, Decide, Decide…who are you going to listen to?  Your heart or your mind?

Will you change your life’s path?

(only time will tell…)

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By

Little Warrior

There used to be a time when people had—

C o n v e r s a t i o n s.

(face 2 face)

There used to be a time when men and women

En-gaged with each other.

(in public places)

(shhh…tell no one…)

where men would notice women

and make chivalrous gestures.

There used to be a time when women would

En-gage with men

(and let them

do-nice-things-for-them)

There used to be a time when

Men did nice-things for women…

(just-because)

there used to be perfumed,

Handwritten notes to Certain Some-One Special’s and

an-tic-i-pa-ted responses…

There used to be Fallen Hankies

And carefully returned

Leather Gloves!

It was not so long ago when we expressed these Used-To-Be gestures of

Love

Of

Kindness

Of

De-cen-cy.

Now we hide behind technology—our cellular Veils to Reality.

We hide behind digital affection

So we do not need to

F e e l—R.E.A.L.

So easy is this life of technological and cyber sterility.

No real disappointment.

(or a disappointment that others can see?)

no real

affection.

No real

Love

No real

L i f e.

What is this

New “thing” we are now “feeling”?

(or not?)

It is most clearly

That which is not—Life .

It is but of course(!) that which is not—A l i v e….

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While driving to work the other day and eating Cookies’n Cream Pop Tarts, Pachelbel’s Canon serenaded me through the beautiful streets, laden with freshly fallen jewel toned leaves, in burnt crimson and gold.  The trees are now so bare that there is no excuse to not notice the magnificence of the skies of our every days!

(Junk food and classical music always stirs up some introspective thoughts in me.)

Beethoven (and Mozart) reminds me how, through their brilliant compositions to see into music with more than one landscape to our lives.   (Sometimes too much introspection…)  Actually, Thanksgiving is the perfect time to look inside of ourselves, in between the turkey and stuffing and Company to discover how we really feel about the significant people in our lives:  does the company we keep make us feel loved?  Are we truly happy or do we repeatedly attempt to buy happiness with the material “things” of this world? Are the memories captured in our photographs an honest and loving representation-of-the-events-of-our-lives?  Do we have joy each and every day either from others or from ourselves?   Are we celebrating our Thanksgiving with individuals—families that do not enhance and nurture us? (Do we even care about that last question? Or is it just easier to eat turkey and pay no mind to what and whom we do not like?) Are we really sad but cover up that sadness with a nice, extra heap of stuffing with gravy or some pie that is the farthest thing from humbling?

*     *     *     *     *

Holidays are hidden opportunities for us to see into our lives and loves and to discover what is not working, what we enjoy and are happy with and to remember: there are opportunities in holidays because we are in a state of “pause” and “rest” from the routine of our lives. If we are smart we will see into those pauses and reprieves and take note…

*     *     *     *     *

When we place our attention in the moment and recognize how each breath we take, every word we utter has value and every furtive glance we cast on another is filled with love (!) then the holidays, the company, and yes, even the food, becomes heavenly, holy days that we treasure as if we are spending our time, here on earth—in heaven.  I don’t know how many people see life this way, but for me,  this perspective far surpasses the fantasies and illusions that the marketing industry and the world of media promotes for  what it thinks  holidays should represent in this country.

*     *     *     *     *

The holidays, the memories, the relationships come and go, no matter how we may try or believe that what and all we think is permanent, is more of a-fleetingness than anything else. Life is change, whether we like it or not and when we embrace change—no matter its unexpected unpleasant-ries, we are far more grounded in this world than those individuals who try to resist the inevitability of impermanence and prefer to reside in the rote stagnation of their lives.

The major holidays are here, right now, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s.  These are the holiday’s that bring family, friends (and some foes) together to celebrate the Events of Our Lives over the past year.  We gather together to break bread, converse about politics, t.v. shows, loved ones we may have lost, changes that our lives have unexpectedly presented us with and possibly the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves and each other in the forthcoming New Year.

This time of year, if we take a moment away from the hurried-ness of the superficiality and festivities or our “family” and our daily routines, we can accept the moments and passages of life for what they are:  experiences that come and experiences that go and not get caught up in the frivolities.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, (I have two).  It is a day when we give thanks for the things  (and people) we have in our life and that we are still here on earth to give thanks for that!

Since I am divorced several years now, every day is Thanksgiving to me.  I am grateful that on holidays I do not have to go through the e-motion-less feelings and forced expressions of pseudo joy and delight with individuals that are no longer related to me by heritage or circumstance…

*     I am grateful that while this is still a man’s world I have managed to hang on to the part of their world that belongs to me (!) and survive without one of them to help raise my children! Men are wonderful creatures when kept in the proper perspective and not clung to in order to sustain oneself Uprightly in society!

* I am grateful for the three amazing children that I have and the incredible adults they are turning into!

* I am grateful that I do not live in Ghana and that my drinking water is as clear as my mind!

* I am grateful that I think for myself and that being autonomous in the world far surpasses any Thing, Possession or Relationship. It-is-the-greatest Joy (next to love…)

*   I am grateful for all the wonderful friends and strangers who come into my life on a daily basis and tell me about the little things in their lives that give their life great meaning.

*      And, lastly, I am grateful for Y.O.U., the One, for many years now who has shown me (every day)  every-thing magical and wonder-filled about this place of Horror and Wonder. Thank you for your honesty, integrity, love and compassion…

They come, they come, they come—these holidays and holy days whether we are ready for them or not. They come—even when we no longer believe in them…They come, just like love–  They leave, just like love, until we believe in them and love, once again!

So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you:  Decide, Decide, Decide…who are you going to listen to?  Your heart or your mind? Will you celebrate if you no longer believe? In the event? In the person?

(only time will tell…)

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